It’s that time of year again where artists everywhere come out of the proverbial snowy woodwork and release Christmas songs. Sometimes they record their own versions of timeless jolly Christmas classics. And sometimes they create a batch of entirely new and fantastic original holiday songs that you will unfortunately never hear played over the intercom while you’re shopping for Legos at Target.
Because I like to always follow the current trends with everything thing I do, I too made a Christmas song! It is called “Satan Is My Pal”. It is the 8th track off my latest (ongoing) album One In A Row.
While this isn’t the most “offensive” song I’ve ever written, it is definitely up there. So if you’re one of those weirdos out there who doesn’t believe in the power of Santa Clause, you may want to skip this one. You have been warned. Proceed with as much Christmas caution as you can muster!
“Satan Is My Pal” features a very special guest mandolin performance by Cameron Newell. The mandolin solo is especially tasty.
When you’ve finished listening to the song, please write a letter to (or call) Target and request it be played over the intercom this holiday season. (address below)
Target Corporation
Attention: Brian Cornell, CEO
1000 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, MN 55403
612-304-6073
Merry Christmas and enjoy!
Satan Is My Pal
by Mike Votava
Satan is my best friend so I called him up today
how you doing, man?
is everything OK?
He said Mike I’ve got a problem
not that you would understand
this is devil shit and your just an ordinary man
Fuck you lord of darkness
what the hell is goin on?
you can’t talk to me that way
we’ve been friends for way too long
after a few moments of silence from the dark side of the phone
he apologized for his condescending tone
Santa clause if you’re listening
all I want for Christmas is that when I die you’ll ring those jingle bells
and don’t send me to heaven cuz I’d rather go to hell
Jesus can go fuck right off and Satan is my pal
Jesus was my second best friend I’m ashamed to admit
that it’s been awhile since a prayer’s escaped these lips
so I shot JC an email to get our situation back on track
but the motherfucking son of god never wrote me back
More than four years later guess who wanted to get lunch
it was Jesus Christ super star and he promised to show up
but I sat there for three hours
half a sandwich in my hand
I can’t believe the holy ghost ghosted me again
Satan is my pal
Jesus can fuck off