When you ask a child about what they want to be when they grow up, a large percentage of them will say “astronaut”.
But let’s face it. Most kids will not what have it takes to actually become an astronaut. And that’s the honest-to-fart truth.
To be an astronaut, you gotta be able to float. The ability to float is a highly underrated skill. Floating is harder than it looks. Only the top 1 percent of the top 1 percent of the best floaters in the world have any shot at becoming an astronaut. I’m talking about the best-of-the-best-of-the-best here. (I just went three best-of-the-best levels deep on you.)
So the next time a dumb kid tells you that they want to be an astronaut when they grow up, you have my permission to yell at them.
“Let’s get one thing straight, kid! You will never be an astronaut. YOU CAN’T FLOAT! Fuhhhgettaboutit!”
In an effort to promote astronaut floating awareness, I made this new shirt design. I call it ASTRONAUT FLOATIN’.
It is now available for purchase via my TeePublic (OK quality) and Cotton Bureau (awesome quality) online shirt shops.
All the proceeds from the shirt sales will go directly up my butt.
