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Fuck Off, Mario Lopez!

By December 9, 2021MJV Living

I like to stay up to date about all things Saved By The Bell related. I couldn’t resist reading this stupid article from Yahoo! News about Mario Lopez, AKA A.C. Slater.

The headline is “Mario Lopez’s Secret to Staying Fit and Energized at 48”.

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The headline is misleading. In the article, Mario reveals almost no secrets. Yet he does say some stupid crap like this:

“I don’t feel like I’ve even really woken up until I’ve broken a sweat. I think your health should be a top priority, because if you don’t have that, what does anything else matter? I want to just be healthy and be around as long as I can, to be able to be there for my family. It’s a lifestyle, really: it’s allowed me to handle this insane schedule at my age, and to have a lot of energy, like right now I’m going from the gym to Access Daily. And that’s a talk show, viewers want to see people who are happy and excited, and at the moment we have a lot of guests, so I can’t be low energy.”

Did you notice the lack of secrets?

Mario goes on to say some more dumb crap.

“I try to not eat a lot of crap during the week, and practice portion control and have a sensible-looking plate with protein, fat and carbs, and try not to get too crazy. But then on the weekends, I do get a little crazy, because I’m just an excessive guy. So I eat everything, I’ll drink and smoke everything, then come Monday it’s back to it. You’ve got to balance.”

See what I mean?! No actual secrets!

Also, I’m not buying it. For someone to look like that at age 48 they have to be some kind of fitness maniac. You can’t just get there by “trying not to eat a lot of crap during the week” and “practicing portion control”. I should know. That’s the same thing I do and I look like this. The secret he is not actually telling us is that you have to be a goddammn fitness turkey maniac to look the way he does.

I don’t believe that he allows himself to “get a little crazy on the weekends.” It’s impossible for someone to look like him at age 48 if they “get a little crazy on the weekends” when it comes to their diet. He’s just saying that to seem more approachable and less like a maniac. But I’m on to you, Mario. You can fuck off with that bullshit!

I have no doubt that he works out a ton and fitness is important to him. But you also have to have a lot of help to rock a body like Mario’s. It’s the kind of help only rich people realistically have access to. The help is a combination of the best personal trainer you can buy, your own personal chef that preps delicious low-calorie meals for you, the best nutritional supplements (perhaps the best PEDs?), the best doctors to monitor your progress and fix your injuries, and the best nanny’s / babysitters to watch your kids while your pumping your pecs and/or getting your mandatory ten hours of sleep a night.

The article says that “…he swears he works of for “sanity” not vanity” but I’m not buying that either. The “vanity” has to be a large part of the equation here.  Just look at him! How can someone look like that and claim that personal vanity is not a motivating factor? That’s fucking insane!

Fuck off!

And now here is Rob McElhenney talking about how he transformed his body for It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia